Cheating and Flirting

I opened my front door and walked into the living room. I was mad at my husband and was hoping I would not see his brooding face pathetically sitting on the couch in front of the TV. As I walked into the foyer, I gladly met silence. “Good he’s too upset to even watch TV.” If I’m not happy, he’s not happy, and that’s the way it should be! I walked down the hallway and stepped into the bathroom. Then I heard it: his obnoxious laughter that only sounded sexy when induced by me. He was laughing and I was pouting! As fast as I could, I ran into the bedroom to see what on Earth could be so funny when I was mad at him. There he sat on the phone with his feet up on our desk. “Who are you talking to?” I demanded. “A friend from school” he replied “hang on, Julia.” The word Julia stung me like a bee. He was on the phone with another woman while I, his wife, was steaming mad and now utterly hurt because of earlier events that I couldn’t even recall? My face reddened and I burst into tears. My husband followed me and told me that Julia was an old colleague and called to congratulate him on his new book. That didn’t sound funny to me. I felt torn. In my eyes, my husband had cheated on me.

I know for some of you, this idea of cheating might seem farfetched. The typical person thinks of cheating in a physical sense. A married cougar sleeping with her intern or a husband having a one night stand are all preconceptions that are commonly accepted as cheating. As more American couples are going through divorces and society and media seems to thrive on adulterers, people who are genuinely in love cling harder to one another. Every day in the media people are being faced with shows on TV capturing infidels and there are tabloids highlighting the previous night of debauchery, couples are getting reasons to feel more and more insecure about their partners. In a recent study held by a Christian organization, 48% of couples are haunted with the thought of a wandering partner, but what is cheating? Where do we draw the line?

Physical cheating seems to be the standard of infidelity, but cheating can also be emotional. It has been proven that the main reason a partner cheats is because he or she is not getting what they emotionally need from their spouse. A woman whose esteem has been steadily dropping since she raised three children and whose husband doesn’t compliment her as much as he used to when she was in her junior, may find herself feeling attracted to that man at the office who always tells her she looks stunning. Though her intentions are not to sleep with him, she may allow herself to be wined and dined so she is able to build her dwindling esteem. It could be the other way around. A hard working man feels underappreciated by his wife and somehow finds himself leaning towards a young lady who praises his every move. Though he may not sleep with her, he does allow himself to receive his emotional sustenance from this woman who is not his wife. One thing leads to another and what started from emotional attachment, is now physical.

No w you can see why the simple gesture of just talking on the phone to someone of the opposite sex, besides strictly business, can be so jolting. In a world where after work happy hours and business gifts and dinners are socially acceptable, it is extremely important to set boundaries when it comes to work related relationships. A business partner should not be calling a personal phone at a late hour unless it is an emergency and one should not be having lunch with a business partner for pleasure. A recent article sited that flirting was healthy for relationships. All relationships start out as friendships and doing so is like adding fuel to a fire. An occasional wink to an anonymous person may be harmless but there is a very thin line between flirting and emotionally cheating. If that particular wink happens everyday at a specific restaurant to the same person, that could definitely lead to a mysterious attraction, which could then lead to fantasies and a unattractive spirit towards your partner. A woman who sees her husband compliment another woman on her dress but failed to compliment her, could be considered emotionally cheating. A tap on the buttocks could be considered physically cheating. Now, being charming should not be considered cheating. It is very impossible to guarantee that you are the only person on this Earth that will be attracted to your husband or wife. Others will look and maybe even stare, and it is human nature for the person being ogled to feel a sense of pride. There’s nothing wrong with looking good! I think finding the boundary that fits you and your spouse should be talked about. Sit down and discuss what each of you considers flirting, cheating and how you feel about both issues. If your wife thinks your act of flirting was cheating, then it was! All it takes is a little communication and common sense.

If you feel you are the one who is emotionally neglected, talk to your partner or seek marriage counseling. If you know you are guilty of doing the draining, seek ways to meet your partner’s needs. Before you venture into a questionable act, think about how it would make you feel if you were on the outside looking in. All relationships take effort and though it may not be easy, it is definitely worth it when you look into his or her eyes and see a sparkle that only you can put there.