The Beginning and The End

Sandra caressed her newborn daughter’s face. After three days of being in the NICU, Jaclyn was finally well enough to go home. There was a quiet knock at the door and a nurse carefully walked into the gray hospital room where Sandra was waiting to be omitted. The nurse smiled down at Sandra and Jaclyn. “Congratulations” she softly said, and Sandra beamed up at her. She was hoping she could find the cheerful nurse who had helped her through her rough and lonesome labor, but her shift was up. “These nurses are always changing around” she whispered to Jaclyn. Jaclyn let out a sigh as she and her mother where wheeled down the hall and out the doors into a waiting cab. Sandra wondered what thoughts her baby girl could possibly be thinking. She imagined how big and interesting the world looked from her tiny brown eyes. Her mind soon wandered and she was left thinking about Jaclyn’s father. Her heart let out a small pang as she re-coursed the day when he told her he was no longer in love with her. “I don’t want anything to do with you or that baby!” echoed loudly in her mind and she began to ache for her daughter’s future without a father in her life. Sandra was jolted from her thoughts as Jaclyn let out a wail. “You must be hungry” she concluded and picked up the diaper bag and infant formula the hospital had given her. “I know car seats are uncomfortable” she consoled her distressed newborn, “But you have to be safe.” The cab driver stopped in front of an old and worn out apartment complex. There was trash on the ground and there were people loitering around. Sandra could smell alcohol and marijuana as she paid the cab driver and carried Jaclyn to her apartment. “Welcome home!” Sandra cheered. She removed Jaclyn from her car seat and placed her into the hand-me down crib she had bought at a garage sale. The off-white paint was chipping from the wooden slats and there was a small give in the center. Nevertheless, Sandra hung a small mobile over the railing and attached a mirror to the side. She carefully placed Jaclyn into the plush blankets and turned the mobile on. She looked down at Jaclyn and realized that she was finished waiting for her child to arrive. She no longer had to stare down into the crib and imagine how her infant would look all nestled inside of the blankets. Although Jaclyn was sleeping peacefully, Sandra turned on the mobile. Lullaby filled the dingy and dark apartment and Sandra drifted off to sleep. A few hours later a small, yet high pitched, wail filled the room. Due to her motherly instincts, Sandra jumped off of the couch and ran to her daughter’s side. “Are you hungry again?” she asked as she prepared another bottle. “You have quite an appetite.” She chuckled as Jaclyn greedily sucked up her formula. After a diaper changing, Jaclyn was soon back asleep. Sandra looked outside of the window into the dark night sky and thanked God for her precious gift. “Thank you, Lord’ she cried over and over “Thank you, Lord”. Noticing that she hadn’t showered in tow days, Sandra made her way into the bathroom and turned on the water. The faucet gave a sputter and emitted a spew of brown liquid. The dingy water continued to run until it became clear and soon the tub was filled. Sandra suddenly noticed she was in pain. Her abdomen was sore and her undergarments were soaked with blood. At the hospital, the nurses did say it was normal to bleed excessively and to have pain. Sandra stepped into the tub and tried to change her focus. As she bent down to sit in the warm water, her pain grew more intense and she began to bleed more profusely. “Please, God” she prayed “Make the pain go away!” Soon it became too much to handle and she was clinging to the side of the tub. She had not turned off the water and it splashed over the sides onto the already mildewed floor. Sandra panicked but was in too much pain to move. She somehow managed to turn the faucet and the bathtub drain let out a big whine as it sucked up the excess water. Just then, Jaclyn pronounced she was awake. Sandra tried to get up but felt light headed. “I’m coming, love, I’m coming” she shouted. Jaclyn was now screaming and Sandra began to weep as she struggled to walk towards the crib. Blood was pouring from her open wounds and she vomited at the sight. There she collapsed on the floor, never to wake again. There, Jaclyn screamed into the night, never to be answered.